Journal of an angel

12/23 - Please ignore the following entry as apparently there was a bit of a miscommunication, and the ensuing rant does not apply.



Original entry:
Rrrrr...

So Nate was just telling me a little bit about a conversation he was having with a friend of mine. This person lives far away and sending stuff right now is just insane, so I let them know that it would prolly be late. I thought I was being considerate, but no, they are upset because only theirs is late, some other peoples gifts (like, people I actually see) will be getting theirs on time. Well I'm sorry, but since yours is more difficult to get to you, it's going to take more time. If I could swing by your house and drop it off, it wouldn't be late. But WTFEver... That's not bad enough, they are also upset that we bought them something (which is the majority but not the entirety of the planned gift) instead of my making it myself. Since I am making many people's gifts this year, and I know they like homemade stuff, this would make sense, IF every time I shared/showed them something I made, they hadn't been like "Oh that's nice... but I don't want you to make that for my gift" Grrrr, it just makes me mad!! Christmas gifts are not supposed to be about expectations! And WTF is up with this comparing your gift to someone elses - especially since you don't know what it is! Boy, that's the holiday spirit! It's not like *you* spent alot of time handmaking something for *me*, if you want to make comparisons. I will probably calm down about this in a bit, but right now, I'm so mad I feel like keeping your nice presents and just Fed Exing you a lump of coal that I carved myself out of the big hunk of it we have. There ya go! Homemade gift, arrived before xmas. Hope you enjoy it!

I hate short skirts.
Or rather, I love short skirts, but hate the fact that whoever makes them thinks that the length should be the same in the front and in the back. Darling dear clothing designers.... I hate to break this to you... but women have butts. And many of us, like me, don't exactly have small ones. Design the damn skirts so that there is enough material to keep us decent!! It would be really nice if it was enough to keep us decent when we sit down or bend over too, but since that requires a miracle, I won't hold my breath. How about just something we can walk around in without flashing our panties in, hmm?
In typical martyr fashion, I guess it's up to me :) I foresee alot of skirt outfits in my sewing future.

There should be a "What's Wrong With Me" quiz... lately I've just been moody to an extreme and just in general less than scintillating person (though I did have a good literary discussion as well as a general media overview of a certain genre with my bunny last night instead of sleeping). I'm tempted to blame it all on the yucky work situation but sometimes I think I don't shoulder enough blame because I'm always attributing it to the sources. For the most part I don't accept it as an excuse in society, so I shouldn't accept it in myself either. The problem is that it's difficult to look at the situation objectively and logically when I'm in the middle of it. Mew-sigh. Heh... I'd think about setting up a separate journal for my whining, but then what would I put in this one? j/k I hope. Ah well. And Jeff has gone missing which means I am without reassurance and balance that I usually get from him. Hopefully that will turn up soon and okay, we're a smidge worried.
Back to blackwork... ta for now.

Visited the in-laws today... Mum is looking relatively well, although she did have to have a transfusion today for anemia... but she seems fairly healthy and good, and has not been smoking at all. I am so very proud of her for that.
Got bored with the larva picture so I put up a new one until I find something I like - haven't taken new pictures, so looking through what I have to see if anything is worth resizing - I rilly wish they let us have bigger pictures. Am thinking about moving to paid account status but not sure how I want to change stuff, so haven't done it yet. Want to work on my corset but can't seem to find a chance to - we fill our lives up too much right now, I think I need a little more down-time. Of course, I probably feel that way because of the work situation - it sucks up all my energy and doesn't leave much for recreation. Gah, I feel like I've been complaining about it everyday though - hope you people understand I'm not always this much of a whine-baby.
Sometimes I wish we were kinkier just so I could have the emotional outlet that a scene can give - that's kinda funny to me in a strange way. I feel like my abilities to process stress have gotten messed up somehow, and that I'm holding some of it inside instead of letting it go - I feel tension that shouldn't be there. Or, it could just be how I am today and not indicative of an ongoing problem - who knows? I've noticed I'm using hyphens more than my typical ellipses - I wonder if there's a punctuation mark quiz that will offer insight into my psyche re: this change :) I think maybe I need a role model or maybe I just need to be around people more - I don't understand myself now the way that I used to. Lately it seems like I am always swinging between absolute contentedness (weird how you'd think the noun could be contention, but that means something totally different - course maybe I'm just supposed to use 'content', but I wouldn't want that to be confused with CONtent, so I'll use this even if it's wrong) and being unhappy with alot of things. I think this is just getting more confusing - ignore if it doesn't make sense.

I'm too busy to breathe, but at least the time goes by fast :) and I only have to get through tomorrow and then I have the weekend, and then get through Monday and then I'm on vacation!! I'm still a little ticked with getting stuck with this new project when I don't even have time to do the other things I'm responsible for, but on the other hand I kind of like the project. I seem to excel in handling impossibly weird & demanding accounts, and this is one, and when I do something that's hard to do and do a really good job at it, it makes me feel good about myself and my value to the company, unrecognized though it may be at times. So I'm pretty cheerful in general, especially since when I'll be gone someone else will have to keep everything caught up. I'm still going to have to write up some quick notes on what to do while I'm gone once they get back to me with who'll be filling in for me. And sewing tonight, and planning what to pack so I can make sure it's clean. Heh... my mood ring is fuschia and forest green... wonder what that indicates??

So, I'm on my break at work... which has been interrupted several times by people that really really need to tell me something RIGHT now and can't wait 5 min til I'm back to working or leave me a voicemail or whatever. So I'm already a little miffed. Some background info: we're assigned certain times to go on break as we work in the phone-answering business for the most part, and they need to make sure everyone's not gone at once. So it is my TIME for break. I also have a little card that goes up that let's everyone know if they should glance in that I'm on break (I have them for lunch & vacation and stuff too. Most of us do). What I'm eventually getting to is that one of the higher-ups just crept up very quietly behind me and scared me to death asking if I was on break. I just nodded and turned back around, but now that my heart is staying within my body, I'm very irked - she was not in the hallway or even my cubicle doorway, she was right behind me and I'm *betting* reading my journal over my shoulder. SECOND of all, I'm mad that she even asked in the first place - of course I'm on my break! I'm doing something personal instead of professional, it's that time, and the big "On Break" sign is up - wtf do they think, I just play all day and all the work does itself?? Ugh... disgusted with the management, very upset that she was reading personal stuff of mine, and I have way too much adrenaline from her creeping up right behind me. Rrrr... I need to learn to focus negative feelings like this and act upon them - alot of the people here will walk all over you if you don't stand up for yourself. Me, I'm a "treat me how I've earned to be treated" person... dammit, I shouldn't have to be a bitch to get treated with respect.

Sometimes I love my job, and sometimes I hate it. This morning is definitely hate. Thought we had solved everything last week and things would be a bit less stressed this week, but such is apparently not the case. I think it's the lack of communication issue - things are a mess in general. I'm beginning to understand more why we have such a high turnover - I think once they've been here a little while, they start to see how unorganized the company is, and run. So far I'm not running although part of me wonders if I ought to. It's my overdeveloped sense of job loyalty - they have to screw me over pretty hard before I fight back. Sigh. Sometimes I think I've gotten too mean, and sometimes I think I'm still too much of a pushover.

Sigh... sometimes I wonder if I'm going to end up doing everyone in the company's job. I just got to go through a stack of things I had given to our returns dept and write down in a big red marker exactly how many dollars and cents they needed to credit each one for. Alot of these are going on three months old... they're supposed to get done within a day or two. I had noticed I wasn't getting any response and had sent the dept a memo asking what was going on. No response at all. I called and left them voicemail re: same subject. No response. Finally my boss called me up and asked me if I could start putting the amount they need to credit when I give it to them. This is DESPITE the fact that they are supposed to look it up and determine that themselves, DESPITE the fact that they do this part of their job for all the other accts, DESPITE the fact that they've never needed to have this done in all the previous years of dealing with my accts. Suddenly, it needs to be done. And of course, they couldn't just have come and asked me to do it.... they just wait months and months and let these things stack up. If I was dealing with the normal accounts, Dr's would be calling up shrieking for someone's head. Sigh. Sometimes I just can't figure people out. Luckily my customers are wonderful and love me, so noone has complained yet. What bothers me most is that they didn't come ask me about it... how do you just let your responsibilities slide that long?? and what would have happened if I hadn't been keeping track and asking them about it? Did they think it was just going to go away, and the people didn't really care if they got their money back? RRrrrrr... If I didn't know better, I'd wonder if they were afraid of me and avoiding a confrontation... but seriously, I am soooo non-scary. So I can only think all the people in their dept are lazy and have no work ethic. **Pets the patient, understanding livejournal**scratches behind it's ears for being such a good listener**gives it a yummy livejournal treat** Ah well... back to work for me.