Journal of an angel

It's a very blue day. Nothing terrible.... but it seems like nothing really wants to go my way. We have arrangements to celebrate Christmas with the inlaws Thursday evening after Nate & his dad get back from a funeral. Becky's gift is ready to go, I need to finish Cassie's and stick a ribbon & bow on Mum's. We have to get Trudi's still, but that should be easy. Need to find out when we will be seeing Bob & Melanie. Honestly, I think we see Beth more often, and she lives in Canada. Sigh. Only sent her a card. I feel a little guilty that we got them gifts. It seems unfair - but - she is not who she once was. I guess she'll just have to slowly come back into focus. I feel like she's still family though.
Enough xmas talk... what is a melancholy girl to do? Dwell, sulk, or try and change this mood I guess. Cleaned a bit today. How exciting. Sigh. Sometimes, everything seems pointless. I suppose that's because it is. But usually I'm able to think otherwise.
I'm not even sure why I feel this way. What is it I want? I think if I could answer that question, things would be simpler. Oh well.

On to bright and shiny things, if possible. I thought we were supposed to be working on the hearth tonight. But now it's kind of looking like maybe we're not. He might blame it on me of course - "I was waiting for you". But it shouldn't always be up to me, should it? That's not my place. I keep dwelling on things that will only make me unhappy.

I love fuzzy lumpy sweaters, but I wish they could make them so that they don't slowly unravel and/or disintegrate over time...
This morning, there was actually heat on in the workplace... I almost thought I had the wrong building...
I miss having other people's children around... I love kids, I just don't want to have to keep them just yet. Jay's getting a little too old to pseudo-mother.
Planning to do a (simple) animated gif for my avatar, once I finally take pictures.
I wonder if everyone feels like a failure for not living up to their potential, whatever that may be.
I wonder if models have image problems, since even though they have "perfect" bodies, the magazine and such feel a need to airbrush them...
It's all autumny lately... time to start lighting candles again. It also makes me want to cook yummy things. It would be nice to just work part time, and have extra time for all the things I want to do.
I wish I'd written a book when I was in high school and still thought I could. It seems like I can't write anything anymore... maybe I should submit some of my old stuff somewhere.
Yech... wistfulness is turning into self-pity. I need to get back to my normal level of positivity - this negative stuff is getting old.